It was early morning yesterday and I was sipping my coffee. I wanted to read, and do my devotional time with a real book rather than my bible app. I realized my bible was in our bedroom where my husband was sleeping, so not wanting to wake him, I went to our guest room and searched through the drawers of my old nightstand. As I did I came across a couple of my old #journals and #gratitude notebooks that caught my eye. I grabbed them and took them to the couch and began reading through them. I wasn't completely surprised by all I was reading because quite honestly, I have written out many similar gratitude lists and prayers over the years. This particular book was from 2020 and as I combed through the pages a little folded up notebook paper fell out. I started to read it and it was me writing in present tense what I desired for my future self to be and have. This was a practice I had done more than once and I do constantly. What struck me was that I was reading almost verbatim what I am currently living!! Like what?? I couldn't believe my eyes as I had even written about the joy I felt inside as this current version of me. Guess what? I DO FEEL SO MUCH JOY!! Deep down, real life JOY!! Like an unshakeable feeling of JOY. I had asked for this and I GOT IT!! I was reading word for word my current job description! Not just in the sense of the tasks but even down to the heart of what I am doing! Incredible!
Even though I have desired this so deeply for so long, I've prayed and begged and dreamed and written all about it. I have taken little action steps towards where I am currently, and I still didn't fully recognize I was living it . The exact things I had spoken of were fully manifested! Not that I didn't recognize some progress or some answered prayers, I just didn’t fully realize that with time, I had actually walked right into exactly what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. Why didn't I see it so clearly before reading this? Because of the process. The process was blurry as anything. It was not linear but full of so many twists and turns, most that I wished I'd skipped over. But, low and behold, God WAS listening and he was answering my prayers. My efforts and all my small steps, they were adding up. They were day by day and little by little slowly creating the bigger picture of what I wanted. My changes, accomplishments, visions, ideas, and desires didnt come as I expected and they were not overnight. It has been a lifetime of curating and a short season of pruning and refining to get me where I am now. Most days, it felt like absolutely nothing was working. I felt very often like I was failing at everything despite all my massive efforts. I never stopped believing in God, but I almost daily wondered if he really heard me or would ever do anything about the things I'd asked of him. He seemed silent and at times even like he was throwing more obstacles at me. My own efforts and desires seemed like an endless two steps forward one step back. I was born to live on this earth as an encourager and I knew it, but oddly, my biggest battle was fighting off my own discouragement! To be honest, even when I did feel pretty confident in myself, it's like the world sent rejection or other people's words to knock me back into discouragement. Knowing so deeply and innately what I wanted from life, how I wanted to feel, who I wanted to be, how I wanted to show up for others, and truly believing this was all my God ordained destiny, it felt confusing as hell that it all seemed to elude me. The whole gamut of human emotion ran through me, all the feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, and beyond. BUT, I also have this thing inside me that even in feeling despair or defeat, I cannot GIVE UP. I can get hurt, knocked down and have days of doubt and fear. But I can't quit and I can't even explain the overwhelming feeling I get on a daily basis to just keep fighting. Keep showing up. Keep learning and growing. Keep giving and loving, keep asking and praying. I will never stop. It's literally like a lion in my chest that just rises back up and shakes things off (after I cry and freak out of course) and keeps going and believing in God, and his plan for me. I do get things wrong and try again. But I will always show up again and you should too. Because it matters. Because you matter. Because everything you do everyday is just a portion of the whole and it's creating the BIG thing, little by little. The setbacks, the hard things, and all the good effort and biggest prayers, they are WORKING! Simultaneously the good and bad are working, and one day you will wake up and see progress. You will see the version of you that you have worked so hard to get to. You will see the very life you are living and dreamed of. Consistency will change your life.
I made reference in a post to a lady I was working out next to at the gym who was quite overweight, yet she stood there next to me just doing the work.I don't know where she started, or how far she's already come. What I do know is that having a big goal in front of you, or a dream that feels impossible can make you want to quit when you dont see some instant change. But I also know that if that lady keeps showing up and keeps doing what she sets out to do, one day, she will wake up and she will have slowly reached her goal. She will be her new self, not the old. She won't remember every single workout that got her there, but she will remember that she didn't quit and she persevered. The days of being stuck in her weight will be a blur and a distant memory, and she will be so glad she kept coming when she couldn't see it working. And then, she won't only change her life, but she will now own the inner power to encourage and inspire others around her.
There is a process for becoming anything. There is also a #purpose in the process. The process is the refiner. It's the necessary journey to get you from A to B, so that when you get to where you were meant to be you can actually handle it. You can appreciate it, and use it for good. You were created on purpose, for a purpose. The world needs exactly who you were made to be and they need the best version of you that has walked through fire to get there. You didn’t quit, and you will undoubtedly and unashamedly go out and change the world around you!
JUST KEEP SHOWING UP! Your life matters, now and for eternity!I
I am so thankful I didn't give up. I love where I am now in life like never before, and I know with all of my heart it's going to keep getting better and better.
With all the love and joy in my heart,
Keri
Quicknote: I have had great results from buying journals off Cultivate What Matters
Check that out for your journaling!